• At Church, they encourage us to emulate God's heavenly traits
    and At Church, they tell us to pray for our betterment
    Sit down, Sit down, bids the Father today, Sit Down and Shut up and so Solemnly Pray
    So today (a Sunday) as I sit and I pray I think "Gee, God, I sure wish I was like you.
    "I could go around and like blow things up and do
    that cool s**t from Bruce Armstrong or what-have-you...
    Gee, God,
    Omnipotence'd be super great. Amen."
    Next Sunday comes around, and I'm STILL not an all-powerful being that
    reigns the world supreme. Blasphemy, I cry! (quietly, so as not to disturb my neighbors)
    So I go see my homie G Father Wrinklenose (or something) at the altar and I'm all
    I'm all
    like, "Excuse me, Father...do you suppose perhaps the great all powerful Lord is getting on
    you know,
    in years? Maybe he's deaf or something?"
    And gentle G Father Leatherbunion (whatever, I give up) passes me this look and says
    "Git out."
    Not cool, bro. Not cool at all.
    So, The great Lord is hard of hearing. I know he heard ME wrong.
    My proposed solution to our problems is THIS:
    THE HEARING AID FOR GAWD.
    in stores once I gain the potency to transmute the letters "im" to the letters "omni."