• An Eye For An Eye


    I didn't expect to be first. Not after he beat me in hand-to-hand combat. In fact, I was well-prepared for the fact that I wouldn't be first.

    Others would say that I should be satisfied with what I got. At least I wasn't last. I wouldn't be factionless. I did very well by myself already and I didn't need first place then. I could have gotten it later on when it truly mattered.

    But of course, I don't like settling for anything but first. Being ranked number one is my priority. I don't care what others say. Call me heartless, murderer, selfish. I am selfish and I can do whatever the hell I want. Nobody will stop me. That's the knowledge that's driven me to attack him in the first place.

    The moment Four writes the name Edward beside number one, I narrow my eyes at him. Normally, I would complain to Molly and Drew about it. But I know what to do. He won't be number one for long. Not if I help it. To keep myself from looking suspicious, I tune-in to Molly complain to Four about her ranking. He calmly explains about why she hadn't made a higher ranking and Molly shoots a death glare at the Stiff. Though the Stiff seems perfectly happy about this and she only smiles back at her. The smile makes me twitch a bit. But still, her rank is lower than mine. Why should I care? But I want to be the only one enjoying my rank right now. I don't want the Stiff to be happy with where she is too.

    But I can deal with that. She's not negatively affecting my rank in any way...yet. But when I look at her—she's just a little girl. I can't even believe that she's sixteen. I doubt her mind has even reached the maturity level.

    Speaking of maturity level... I look at Molly and Drew. They aren't that mature either, but they'll do. For now. I can dump them along the way once I find a better deal to seal.

    The truth is (since I'm from Candor anyway) that I wouldn't actually plan on what I'm planning to do to Edward if he hadn't provoked me. If it's anyone’s fault, it's his. I wouldn't have cared if Edward got first now if he hadn't done what he did.

    “So...” Drew starts off nervously. “Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, I'll go with it of course—”

    Like most Candor born initiates, he is prone to telling the truth. Or more like—he is prone to be honest and the moment he hesitates, I turn around and give him one of my best blank stares.

    “You owe me,” I tell him calmly, enjoying the way his protest falls silent. There are only two reasons why people would do things for you. One: they feel like they owe you something. Two: they want something in return. Fortunately, I don't have to do anything in return. It's my turn to collect my payment.

    “Of course,” Drew says, attempting to copy my calm posture but fails. I let a smirk rest on my face.

    “Molly, go find a knife,” I tell her sharply. “And meet me back in our dorm quickly before the other initiates arrive.”

    Molly nods; like Drew, she also owes me.

    For a moment, I let my gaze drift to the others. The Stiff and her friends. Christina, Al, and that Erudite boy. They're an odd pack, to say the least. But they're laughing, and joking, and congratulating each other though their scores aren't the highest. For a split second, I allow myself to imagine what it would be like if I was in that group. Would I be laughing too? Would things be different if I stuck with Christina and Al (though God forbid) instead of Molly and Drew?

    I pull my thoughts away from them. They're accompanying each other because of something they owe. That's how the world works. Christina and Al have not offered me any deal in return with my alliance with them whereas Drew and Molly have. We will stick together as a pack and hunt down the weaker initiates and help each other seek revenge. That is our deal.

    But I can't help wonder, when I look at the Stiff, if that's the way life really is. Have I learned the rules wrong or have they?

    * * *


    We wait.

    Molly is drifting off right now but that's all right. I only need Drew for this one. If Molly had come too, it would be too suspicious. Not that it wouldn't be suspicious already. I'm sure the Stiff has already got her eye on me after I humiliated her during our fight. Not that it will be our last fight anyway.

    “You sure?” Drew whispers again for what seems to be the millionth time. It's a wonder that he hasn't woken everyone up now. I resist the urge to snap at him.

    “Yes, and if you're too much of a coward to go through with it, then you don't belong in this faction.” The moment I retort it, a tiny part inside of me finds it ironic. I'm being a coward by attacking Edward at night whereas I should do it in plain daylight. But Four will certainly take notice while I'm sure Eric won't.

    “All right,” Drew whispers back, his voice slightly shaky. “So we just...stab him...right?”

    “We don't want to kill him,” I tell him back in an equally quiet voice because I see the Stiff move. “So not too deep.” In truth, while people may pin me as murderous for doing this, they should be glad I'm not planning to stab him in the brain.

    We wait for a few more seconds before I nod at Drew in the dark. Our eyes have adjusted after staring in the dark so long. We leave our beds as silently as possibly and I pray under my breath that the floor does not creak under us or let someone give us away. Unfortunately, Drew is not as stealthy in the dark. There's a scuffle as he walks across the room to reach Edward. I glare at him and he attempts to walk silently.

    When I walk past the Stiff, I have a strange urge to plunge the knife in her too. I've disliked her even since she threw her shirt at me. It's a trivial thing to hold some sort of grudge over but I like maintaining my pride. But I know it's only one or the other. I can deal with the Stiff later. I think she may be awake.

    We reach Edward's bed and Drew kicks the bedpost a little. The Stiff is now awake and she lifts her head up to stare at us. It's too dark for her to see but her pupils will adjust soon. Drew begins to panic and kicks something else on the floor again. This time, I don't glare at him. We need to finish this now and there's no time to waste.

    “Knife,” I whisper, holding my hand out. Drew hands me the butter knife with his sweaty hands. “Stabilize him so I hit him in my target.” I can't believe that Molly hasn't looked for a better one—like a dagger. Instead, she gave me a butter knife. It'll have to do for now. But the presence of the knife in my hand makes me slightly unsteady.

    Drew moves forward and holds Edward's head still so my aim will be true. His shoe squeaks again and both of Edward's eyes open just as I plunge the knife down.

    I don't look as the knife goes in. I force myself to breath as calmly as possibly through my nose. Drew lets go and sprints for the door with me after him. I don't know when I start but I know I have. The knife is no longer in my hand and I feel almost as if I'm lifted from a burden. Though I know it's not true because I just stabbed Edward in the eye.

    I just stabbed Edward in the eye.

    With a butter knife.

    I can hear his screams start and I know everyone is awake. My only hope is that the Stiff hasn't seen me and that no one will catch me though I'm dubious that anyone will. The only one with authority who will care is probably Four. And I doubt that he will find out.

    We run and run until we reach the chasm. The roaring water here is enough to cover out voices. I grab Drew's sleeve and make him stop. While he is panting for breath, I run my hand through my dark hair to make sure that it hasn't looked like I've run in full speed too long though I am slightly out of breath.

    “We...we did it,” Drew says. Though his voice isn't proud. He sounds like he might want to get sick all over the chasm. “We stabbed him... He'll be long gone...”

    I feel sick to my stomach too. My hands are slightly sticky with blood and I force myself to look away from it. Then I force a smirk on my face—it's something that feels so natural and unnatural at the same time. I cannot be smirking about this but I am. I am.

    I pretend that this is a moment to celebrate.

    “It's excellent,” I tell Drew in an enthusiastic voice. “We got him back. An eye for an eye, as they say.” I throw my head back and give a convincing laugh. After a moment of hesitation, Drew laughs with me.

    I'm not cut out for Candor. Lies come easily to me. Too easily. I don't belong in Candor with all those who aim for honestly. Deceiving others is my strength and I'm not willing to let it go.

    After a moment of laughing, I stop. The smile on my face feels too wide but I'm sure it must look convincing. More convincing than Drew can ever be when lying.

    “We need to stay here for a while,” I tell him. “We'll be caught red-handed if we go back.” So we stay by the chasm. Drew agrees with what I've said because I'm from Candor. He still thinks I won't lie. It's ridiculous to think of it that way because how many times have I not lied while in Candor?

    I don't want to go back because I don't want to face Edward who is now half-blind. Half-blind because of me. Because of my actions.

    I don't want to go back because I'm a coward.

    * * *


    Edward has left along with his girlfriend Myra. I'm not surprised. That thing follows him everywhere. In fact, I'm sure that her results are probably Amity. Anything but Dauntless.

    I have no time to regret any of my actions that I've done. It is over already and it will be a loss to mull over it. An eye for an eye. Literally. He brought it on himself.

    After my simulation with my fears, I am forcing myself to inhale and exhale slowly and calmly. Keep up your fear, Peter, and you'll be kicked out in no time, I scold myself.

    Just as I'm heading away from the door, I see something on the floor. Intrigued, I pick it up and read it.

    It's the faction manifesto for Dauntless. I've read the long paragraphs of Candor—the one about truth making us inextricable. Boring as ever. I'm about to toss it down again when I realize it's slightly different. Instead of paragraphs, these are lines of words. One stands out to me as clearly as daylight.

    We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.

    I let out a snort and shake my head. The paper drops to the floor again and my feet steps over it. No wonder people have thrown it on the ground. It sounds to me like a Stiff saying. Stupid and sappy.

    But this is the Dauntless manifesto, I remind myself. Dauntless—who is miles away from Abnegation.

    I swallow and force my legs to keep moving. Maybe one day I'll truly be part of Dauntless. But for now, an eye for an eye is how things will work.