• Love has it's boundaries, but there doesn't seem to be any limits keeping me from whom of which I love.
    It was only a month ago that I collapsed in a train station after the train arrived. I have no idea what had went on but I knew something was wrong since I had awoken in a hospital bed unable to breathe on my own. I remember that day as if it were the day I almost died even though actually it was since it is hard for paramedics to get down into the subway before the victim's breathing fully collapsed. I can remember seeing my wife though, sitting at my side while I received treatment. I was grateful because I thought that I would never see her again.
    My name is Blake and to be honest, I've not slept since the incident. Maybe it's Insomnia or just that i may never be able to have a good night's rest ever again without the knowledge that the next day might be my last day. I came with a motto that I should live everyday as if it were my last day. When i make love to my beautiful wife i make sure that it's better than the day before. I make sure that i spend all my money or what's left of it before i pay my bills despite the fact that I may have to pay a late fee but that's just who I am.
    As i lay hear in bed with Lillian, my wife, spread across my chest while daylight crept into the darkness of our room i think about my time today. Everyday is like a challenge for i must say that i am not well. I am not dying but all is not well with my body. My immunity is slowly degenerating
    and so is my bodily strength making me vulnerable and easy to kill off by a serial killer. Though anyway i don't live in fear. I'm only twenty five and my body has already taken it's toll for the worse but i pray that i at least give my wife a child before i get too sick to live on. However, that may never happen.
    "Blake are you up?" Lillian spoke to me as she eased her head away from my body. Her pale green eyes pierced mine leaving me limp and trying to hold together my morning composure.
    "I'm up..." I whispered only to realize that the insomnia probably inhabiting my body had corrupted my voice. Already, Lillian had pushed herself toward my face and was looking into my stormy blue eyes.
    "You didn't sleep last night did you?"
    With the look she was giving me i couldn't say no to lie and i couldn't say yes either because to me it just wouldn't make sense. "I'm not sure..."
    "Well then I’m not sure either. Listen, you have a doctor appointment this morning and i need you to be ready to go. Dr. Chase needs to perform some test and give you your monthly physical examination. After that he'll basically set you up for your overnight stay and I’ll see you after work."
    Lillian was amazing. She was the only person who could keep in up to date with everything. She kept me organized and well. I was glad to have married her but after last month and the incident, i think i've given her more stress than usual. Rising up from her grasp I pulled her weakly into my arms and kissed her. I knew she miss my bear hugs because every time I hugged her, she'd clutch onto my body when i wasn't hugging tight enough. I'm weak, I’d tell her some days when I’m too ill to make it to work but then she'd tell me that I’m stronger than ever.
    An hour later, I found myself stepping into some clean clothing. Lillian had already left for work leaving a note card on the counter of the bathroom that reminded me what time i need to leave the house in order to make the appointment. Truth be told, I’m usually the only person in the ward every week for treatment and observation and over the past nearly six weeks, the faculty and staff apart of the degeneration ward knows my name and everything about me. The even took notice of my rapid weight loss. I was loosing up three pounds each week even though Dr. Chase had prescribed me a food pill that boost my appetite. Thankfully it works but not in the way that it was designed to work. Instead of making me feel hungry all the time, it made me feel as though I’d eat an entire buffet. I was taken off the drug even though no one knows why my body is burning off too much fat causing my rapid weight loss.
    I buttoned my pants and grabbed the note care off of the counter in the bathroom. Starring at my watch I knew it was time to go. It a quarter to eight in the morning and my appointment was at nine thirty. I’d make it there a tad bit late but that would be only for my breakfast stop on the way to the hospital. During the morning time traffic, I always managed to make my way through the back roads. However I stopped doing so one morning when I discovered that I was too weak to drive. I had to call Lillian to help me and she could only say that I was having an episode.
    My days were numbered, I knew that for sure since being the hospital made me feel as though I were some dying patient with a disease that hasn’t even been discovered. Well that’s true about me. My body carries a disease, well a degenerative disorder that hasn’t even been discovered yet. Dr. Chase and his team of pathologist and cytologist. Every week, they would put me under evasive response medicine and extract healthy cells from my body. I would sometimes end in the hospital for more than my two days of expectancy only because the majority of the time, my cells wouldn’t be stable enough to sustain organ function. Like I mentioned before, what I have hasn’t been discovered yet and what I’m trying to cope with is just making it harder to endure.
    I made a left turn into Mercy Memorial’s parking lot making sure that I didn’t loose my grip on the steering wheel. Since it was early in the morning, not many people would be there. Most visitors arrived around noon but others were usually patients with short appointments. From coming to the hospital for almost six weeks now, I can say that there are so many things that happen within just a short amount of time. After unbuckling my seat belt, I got out of my car, seeing that once again I had parked in my normal spot near the hospital entrance. The smell of cut grass and trimmed bushed filled my nose. I was oddly comforted by it but the smell was only normal. Just seeing the sight of the towering hospital made me feel as if I had shrunk. The building was tall and many different shades of grey and brown that could only remind me of my days at the beach baking in the hot sun. I walked in the double door of the hospital only to be greeted by nurse Julie. Almost every night she would pull through with the graveyard shift and leave as soon as I’d arrive. Every once in a while she would help Dr. Chase out with my treatment and she’d be very worried about my condition.
    “Morning Blake!”
    I looked up ahead at Dr. Chase who had swung around the corner holding a small pile of charts in one hand and coffee in the other.
    “Morning Doc.” I spoke as cheerfully as I could but my body felt very limp.
    “Blake you’re looking thinner than usual. Have you been keeping up with your appetite lately?” He asked, gesturing for me to follow him back down the corridor.
    “I haven’t really been having an appetite lately. I’ve been eating little, well actually less than usual. Lillian did take notice of my clothes not fitting like how they used to. I really didn’t take notice myself.”
    “Well, Dr. Delaney will be giving you your physical while I retrieve your results from the lab. After she’s done then we will start talking tissue samples from your heart, spinal cord, and liver.”
    I looked at Dr. Chase and sighed. Last week I nearly went into skeptic shock because of the lumbar puncture I received too early. Luckily, the marking for the timing was corrected so instead of collapsing into a week long coma, I had difficulties swallowing for a few days. After a moment, I found myself walking along the lonely corridor with Dr. Chase following in front of my. Not many nurses and doctors were on call like I expected but today seemed utterly different. I took a deep breath as we entered the Cytology ward. Shelly Delaney, the medium height doctor who had been friends with my wife for many years stood by checking over chart. Her long auburn hair was in a ponytail bouncing off her shoulders and her face was a freckly as usual. She turned toward Dr. Chase and I only to shed me a look of surprise and mass concern.
    “Blake!” She gasped aloud. She came up to me and hugged me but as she did it felt as though she were breaking my ribs in the process.
    “It’s good to see you too Shelly.” I spoke in a gasp as I felt the air leave my body. She then let go of me and glanced over at Dr. Chase. Finally I could breathe again.
    “Dr. Delaney I’ll return within a few moments. I have to go retrieve his test results from the lab. It shouldn’t take long but it might since Dr. Chou is still working on observation.”
    “Okay.”
    I watched as Dr. Chase walked away in a quickly manner. Shelly took me by my arm and led me into her office. I took a seat on the examination table an took a deep breath. Shelly closed the door and turned to face me. Her eyes were filled with sadness but her smile supposedly said that she was happy or trying to keep herself looking that way for her patients.
    “So Blake, has there been any change since your last treatment?” she asked with her voice calming to the normal level of speech in which she spoke in.
    “Just tiredness and nothing else of which I can think of.” I said even though I knew I wasn’t being honest. I was being as honest as I could because this was actually the first time I mentioned my insomnia to my doctors. I felt guilty from holding back but I knew that they already knew.
    “I already know you’re tired and suffering from insomnia but is there something bothering you?”
    I had no idea what she was talking about but after feeling her hand enter my shirt and the cold metal of her stethoscope press up against my back, I calmed and took a deep breath for her. I thought carefully about what I was suppose to say or how to respond to what she was asking. I could only respond to her physical examination of my body and hope that she would give me an explanation. Unfortunately, that did not happen.
    “You’re having trouble breathing. Have you encountered any loss of breath lately?”
    “No actually I haven’t experienced that. It’s never occurred to me that I might’ve been loosing breath.” I answered in a calm matter. I could only think of feeling weaker than I normally do but with my disorder I should be feeling weaker everyday now.
    “Hmm… that’s a little odd. I’ll have to get a stress test done later. Right now I need you to strip down to your trunks and step on the scale. I’ll step out the room to give you some privacy.”