all of a sudden

• Artist: lizard70s
• Description: ok i guess
• Date: 01/19/2009
• Tags: mouse dark thorntusk

I would first like to say i am not the most skilled at this so plz don't take me seriously here O.K.?

Twas a dark and stormy night and all the children were in their beds.
When all of a sudden a peep was heard by the smallest of the Thorntusk family. An awful last name if i do say so myself. But that small peep
was not just a peep it was the most unlikely of creatures but a mouse.
Here in there house obviously no place for a mouse. But this mouse, really was no ordinary mouse he thought he was but don't all we think they are pests so what does it matter to him. But he was going to get big in no time.

plz rate this part of the story if you like it i will give more if u like i feel like i did horrible =(

Comments

[Primrose Petals]

Hey raka i hope ur not an english teacher cause it sound like u just gave them an F

[Rakashael]

There is no conclusion... not a clear one atleast. There are grammar errors. Also, there isn't enough detail to tell me what exactly is going on. I don't understand the plot either. If I may suggest, ask LostOfLeberai to edit it for you. She is a magical person who taught me how to write well. Give her a holler and she'll gladly help you improve. ^^

[Clapper Cheeks]

if it feels like you did horrible, then try to improve your writing skills. This story has good ability, but it still needs some work. Nice try, though.

[lizard70s]

im sorry about this hole mess if you like it i will write more i think i might have the makings of a doctor suess