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#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply. <br />
<br />
#2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is <br />
thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4. <br />
* Some things have been known to "Float" for a few seconds before plummeting to hit <br />
the ground, vehicle, or someone’s cranium. <br />
<br />
#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud <br />
sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way. <br />
<br />
#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust <br />
equals constant velocity. <br />
<br />
#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a <br />
mechanical device is, the faster it moves, Armoured Mecha are the fastest objects <br />
known to human science. <br />
<br />
#6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero <br />
whenever he does something "cool" or "impressive". Time slows down when friends and <br />
lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight. <br />
<br />
#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of <br />
two ways - either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out <br />
affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human <br />
existence or why the toast always lands butter side down. *NOTE: Sometimes, Anime <br />
heroes or villains never really die! In these rare cases they were a clone or cyborg <br />
and the real hero/villain’s suspiciously missing in "Malletspace", or something. <br />
<br />
#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die... <br />
regardless of physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are killed so quickly they <br />
don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is <br />
attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain. <br />
<br />
#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are <br />
depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color <br />
(usually red or white). <br />
<br />
#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a <br />
"Good Guy" kicks the "Bad Guy" in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 <br />
different angles. <br />
<br />
#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything. <br />
First Corollary- Anything that explodes bulges first. <br />
Second Corollary- Large cities are the most explosive substances known to <br />
human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, <br />
sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City". <br />
<br />
#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds. <br />
<br />
#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly <br />
referred to as an energy "bulge" wink before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because <br />
of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the <br />
Law of Inherent Combustibility. <br />
<br />
#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any <br />
object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass. <br />
First Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also <br />
known as the A-Ko phenomenon. <br />
<br />
#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of <br />
course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious. <br />
<br />
#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form <br />
of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the <br />
"Bad Guys" when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot <br />
decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) Example: A "Good Guy" in a <br />
drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and <br />
several battalions of "Bad Guys" firing on a "Good Guy" standing alone in the middle <br />
of an open field will always miss. <br />
First Corollary- The more "Bad Guys" there are, the less likely they will <br />
hit anyone or do any real damage. <br />
Second Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is faced with insurmountable odds, <br />
the "Bad Guys" line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a <br />
single burst of automatic fire and then escape. <br />
Third Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is actually hit by enemy fire, it is <br />
in a designated "Good Guy Area", usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, <br />
which restricts the "Good Guy" from doing anything more strenuous than driving, <br />
firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex <br />
martial arts maneuvers. <br />
*Fourth Corollary- The more times the "Bad Guy" fires, the fewer times he <br />
will hit. <br />
<br />
#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The <br />
Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs <br />
to get out more.) <br />
<br />
#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, <br />
sometimes more, under high pressure. <br />
<br />
#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at <br />
least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not <br />
unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. *Also, acid has been known to work <br />
just as well... <br />
<br />
#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and <br />
large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped <br />
and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a <br />
song. <br />
First Corollary- Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes <br />
up against an entire army, the army always loses. <br />
<br />
#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t... <br />
<br />
#22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little <br />
things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle. <br />
<br />
#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost <br />
twice as annoying. <br />
<br />
#24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, <br />
either as a really nasty skinny "Bad Guy" or a big stupid "Good Guy". <br />
First Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb <br />
Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line <br />
Effect) <br />
Second Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the American <br />
translators are the American editors and censors. <br />
*Third Corollary- Canadians are usually portrayed as smart, strong, handsome <br />
"Good Guys". <br />
<br />
#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly <br />
proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating. <br />
<br />
#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably: <br />
1) be female. <br />
2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation. <br />
3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any. <br />
<br />
#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of <br />
destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and <br />
used as a last resort. <br />
<br />
#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate <br />
a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity. <br />
<br />
#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of <br />
martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing <br />
aura. This aura is usually blue for "Good Guys" and red for "Bad Guys". This is <br />
attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil. <br />
<br />
#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are <br />
hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason. <br />
<br />
#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is <br />
considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or <br />
explanation. <br />
<br />
#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and <br />
can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical <br />
abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s <br />
hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons! <br />
<br />
#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable <br />
guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of <br />
whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive <br />
amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off <br />
somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female’s clothes, <br />
then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the <br />
Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably <br />
wear long cloaks that don’t hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them. <br />
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability)- All anime characters are resistant to <br />
extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow. <br />
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability)- Bikinis render the wearer <br />
invulnerable to any form of damage. <br />
*Third Corollary (Probable Attire permanence)- The clothing on the hero is <br />
indestructible. Their capes, robes, (and if they are girls,) skirts, dresses, bows, <br />
or any loose clothing will just flap when they are in the middle of a fire or ice <br />
attack... Unless it's a hentai. It is believed that the clothes are made out of <br />
Anime Character hair. (re. Laws 32 & 4 cool <br />
<br />
#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing, <br />
playing an instrument, etc. Is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" <br />
things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so <br />
on... especially if they’ve never attempted these things before. <br />
<br />
#36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good <br />
Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic <br />
positions, which are: <br />
1) The Hero/Leader <br />
2) His Girlfriend <br />
3) His Best Friend/Rival <br />
4) A Hulking Brute <br />
5) A Dwarf/Kid <br />
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include: <br />
1) Extreme Coolness <br />
2) Amazing Intelligence <br />
3) Incredible Irritation <br />
<br />
#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an <br />
extrasdimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from <br />
which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice. This mysterious <br />
dimension is commonly called "Malletspace". <br />
First Corollary (AKA The Hammer Rule)- The most common item stored is a <br />
heavy mallet, costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas. <br />
<br />
#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is <br />
because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released <br />
at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in <br />
the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are <br />
actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is <br />
because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the <br />
back of the head. When extremely stressed , embarrassed, or worried, this sweat <br />
gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid. <br />
<br />
#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely <br />
proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the <br />
less you get and vice-versa. <br />
First Corollary- Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real <br />
world... <br />
<br />
#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get <br />
erections, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though... the current <br />
theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see <br />
Law #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush <br />
along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region. <br />
<br />
#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal <br />
swords, if not sharper. <br />
<br />
#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it <br />
done in half the time and twice the angst. <br />
<br />
#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43. <br />
<br />
#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a <br />
martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of <br />
the attack is announced (known as the Kamehameha effect). <br />
<br />
#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the <br />
transformation sequence or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys" <br />
witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to <br />
interrupt it. <br />
<br />
#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy <br />
mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives. <br />
<br />
*#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some <br />
unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or <br />
spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind <br />
the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry. <br />
<br />
*#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or <br />
burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later, <br />
your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect" wink . <br />
First Corollary- When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame, <br />
wind, or ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s) <br />
to be standing in the "Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her eyes shut and <br />
letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!", and yet they are never harmed. This may be in <br />
part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44. <br />
<br />
*#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will <br />
get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform <br />
magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as <br />
the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor" wink This is because he always deserves it, and will <br />
help him to cope in today’s society. (>Sniff Sniff< So True!!) <br />
<br />
*#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are <br />
under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY <br />
small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter). <br />
Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression. <br />
<br />
*#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws <br />
44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and <br />
the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of <br />
the attack is announced, or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys" <br />
witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack <br />
are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave <br />
Phenomenon" wink <br />
<br />
*52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters <br />
(usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or <br />
perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons <br />
for this are: <br />
1) They forgot that the person is telepathic. <br />
2) They just don’t give a damn. <br />
The reasons the telepathic person doesn’t react are: <br />
1) They’re preoccupied with doing something else. <br />
2) They’d rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic. <br />
3) They just don’t give a damn. <br />
<br />
#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum. <br />
<br />
#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald, <br />
wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits. <br />
First Corollary- If old man is present, and is acting too horny, stupid, <br />
etc., there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying <br />
pan or something. <br />
<br />
#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and <br />
withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power <br />
weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything. <br />
<br />
#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons <br />
will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late. <br />
First Corollary- All "Bad Guys" suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome <br />
which require all "Bad Guys" to threaten with or exemplify their prowess and not use <br />
it against the "Good Guy". <br />
Second Corollary- No "Bad Guy" may use any new, secret, or superior military <br />
device without one of the following events occurring: <br />
a) The control device being broken. <br />
The control device being taken by the "Good Guy". <br />
c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just <br />
"fooled" by the "Good Guy". <br />
d) The "Bad Guy" has already lost and cannot use the device. <br />
<br />
#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of <br />
the face’s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman. <br />
<br />
#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance, <br />
resulting in two outcomes: <br />
a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me <br />
look. <br />
A negative charge will result in the <br />
hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look. <br />
<br />
#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition <br />
available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate <br />
when compared to "standard" or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7 <br />
for speaker pods) <br />
<br />
#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s <br />
attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them. <br />
(Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto [OVA] have a seemingly endless supply of willing <br />
girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot <br />
couldn’t get a date despite [or because of] their constant attempts.) <br />
<br />
#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an <br />
awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract, <br />
except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single <br />
drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11. <br />
<br />
#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years <br />
is never as good as someone who has been training for one month. <br />
<br />
#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the <br />
few... of even the one. <br />
<br />
#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be <br />
funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall <br />
to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall. <br />
*(The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.) <br />
<br />
#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the <br />
male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually <br />
helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can <br />
sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the <br />
guy’s face so hard that it changes shape. *(see law #49) <br />
<br />
#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation- <br />
First Corollary- If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal or greater <br />
than two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an inverse <br />
coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at least <br />
500 km of any gravity source) of the entity "jumping". <br />
Second Corollary- The amount of Newtonian "opposite force" (in accordance to <br />
normal downward velocity; "Earth gravity" speed is equal to 32ft/sec/sec) is also <br />
inversely proportional to the "actual" speed of the airborne entity. In all <br />
actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot <br />
from space will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximately 1.73 lb. <br />
of pressure. Unless this particular entity is a "Bad Guy". Then the law exhibits a <br />
mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite force, thusly increasing <br />
this variable by a factor equal to the inverse-gravity potential. <br />
<br />
#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the <br />
Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be <br />
increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does <br />
not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads <br />
to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will *always* be offset by <br />
an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient. <br />
<br />
#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the <br />
control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through <br />
means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis. <br />
First Corollary- Characters can perform actions with their vehicles which <br />
clearly defy normal physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity and Constant <br />
Thrust). The velocity, attitude and traction of the vehicle appear to be adjusted at <br />
will, with the degree of absolute control being proportional to the complexity and <br />
lethality of the maneuver. <br />
Second Corollary- It is effectively impossible to remove characters from or <br />
disrupt the passage of their vehicles without the character’s consent. This does not <br />
always apply to "Bad Guy" characters, or "Good Guy" characters in situations where <br />
the Ambient Dramatic Tension could increase in accordance with the Law of <br />
Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension. <br />
<br />
#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any <br />
situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding <br />
increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad Guy" usually <br />
come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in <br />
Ambient Dramatic Tension. <br />
<br />
#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a <br />
survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly <br />
and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often <br />
referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain <br />
activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in <br />
slow motion. <br />
<br />
#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male <br />
character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at <br />
another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an <br />
interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of <br />
Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. *(see Laws # 37, 49, and <br />
65) <br />
<br />
#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head <br />
shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the <br />
wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages <br />
will then, most likely, disappear by the character’s next scene. <br />
<br />
#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to <br />
a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking <br />
sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the <br />
edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly <br />
past the defender. Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime. <br />
<br />
#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When <br />
faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime <br />
characters will either: <br />
a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws [e.g., slowdown and <br />
exposition]), <br />
Get possessed by them, especially if they are beautiful girls or men in a <br />
position to ravish beautiful girls, or <br />
c) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling. <br />
<br />
#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can <br />
summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette. <br />
<br />
#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a <br />
secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around <br />
him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise? <br />
<br />
#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick <br />
strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the <br />
elements, etc. *(see Laws 32 & 4 cool <br />
<br />
#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST <br />
capable of dealing with it. <br />
<br />
*#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial <br />
arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with <br />
your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just <br />
doesn’t work in real life... <br />
<br />
*#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is <br />
male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a <br />
shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain <br />
is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole <br />
(horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician. <br />
<br />
*#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if <br />
you’re normally a klutz. <br />
<br />
*#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a <br />
Hentai anime is to start having sex. <br />
<br />
*#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become <br />
possible. <br />
First Corollary- Any "Bad Guy" stating "T-that’s impossible!" whenever the <br />
hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late that he <br />
is wrong and will invariably be toastied. <br />
<br />
*#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed <br />
by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could <br />
accomplish... but his old teacher did! <br />
<br />
*#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire <br />
straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (see <br />
Laws #67, 69, and 84) <br />
<br />
*#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in <br />
beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won <br />
against the "Good Guy" (because they’re Eeeviiil!!). They usually get so cocky, they <br />
tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack. <br />
Usually this results in: <br />
a) The hero escaping. <br />
Clean-up for the underlings. <br />
c) The villain getting toastied. <br />
<br />
<br />
*#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon. <br />
<br />
*#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have <br />
the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal. Some include warm water, <br />
rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character toweling <br />
themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up. <br />
<br />
*#89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large <br />
penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the <br />
size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it... <br />
<br />
*#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following <br />
characteristics: <br />
1) Very sensitive and/or very large breasts with large nipples. <br />
2) Very tight and/or sensitive vaginas. <br />
<br />
*#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and <br />
up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive <br />
vagina. <br />
<br />
*#92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance <br />
while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them <br />
introducing themselves. <br />
<br />
*#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at <br />
least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death! <br />
First Corollary- If it is a Shonen Anime, the hero will be accompanied by a <br />
Dog, Cat or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the <br />
male persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with girls that is following <br />
him around is there because: <br />
1) It’s his girlfriend’s. <br />
2) It is following him, despite his insistence not to do so. <br />
3) Chicks will dig him more. <br />
Second Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied by <br />
a cat, cute lil’ mouse, or some disgustingly cute monster, or any kind of animal, <br />
real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any animal <br />
that would be associated with guys that is following her around is there because: <br />
1) It’s her boyfriend’s. <br />
2) It is following her, despite her insistence not to do so. <br />
3) It makes her look cool. <br />
<br />
*#94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability <br />
that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like <br />
bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck" wink , even though <br />
they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the <br />
Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks. <br />
<br />
*#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any <br />
human female, regardless of age ("She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!..." wink <br />
First Corollary- Even when raped or molested by tentacles, Hentai Anime <br />
girls eventually get into it & begin squealing in ecstasy. NO one knows WHY this is, <br />
but some theorize there may be some kind of chemical that is secreted through the <br />
skin of the tentacle... <br />
Second Corollary- Women who are impregnated by a tentacle creature never <br />
experience morning sickness, and also find it to be intensely pleasurable (Also <br />
known as the Goofy Meter Redline Effect). <br />
Third Corollary- Similarly, the resulting... offspring of tentacle/human <br />
relations is immediately sexually active, often impregnating its own mother again. <br />
<br />
*#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other, <br />
sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage <br />
begins to occur. <br />
First Corollary- A running fight can be so destructive, you can follow it <br />
from a distance just by watching for the smoke. (Also known as the "A-ko/B-ko <br />
Thing" wink <br />
<br />
*#97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that <br />
enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being <br />
immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss Effect".) <br />
<br />
*#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or <br />
spaceborne, have the following crew members: <br />
1) The captain <br />
2) His Lieutenant <br />
3) Various female technical staff <br />
4) A hotshot pilot <br />
5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways or not) <br />
6) The Doctor <br />
7) The Doctor’s assistant (either a spy or not) <br />
Weighted among the crew are various quirks which include: <br />
1) Extreme coolness/luck <br />
2) Amazing Intelligence <br />
3) Incredible irritation <br />
4) Extreme cuteness <br />
5) Irresponsible drunkenness <br />
6) Homophobicness <br />
7) Emotionless (Idiots.) <br />
<br />
*#99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest <br />
appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said <br />
character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love. <br />
No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks! At <br />
least, Marker Apenname seems to think so... <br />
<br />
*#100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen. <br />
<br />
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