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Working on Healing:
Throughout most of my life, I've always thought about others. I've always wanted to know what people thought, and what makes them tick, or happy. It's hard to say what people want most of the time, because does anyone really know what they want? I don't even know what I want.
I'm trying to find too many answers to too many things at once. I think I've gotten lost with myself. I chose a path of selflessness, but its beginning to turn me into this kind of drone. It's a bit of an annoyance, really. And as much as I try and try not to help others, I can't help myself. Haha. No pun intended.
I'm not good at treating myself to happy things. I only help others. So I think it's about time I took a break from everyone else and paid attention to only myself just this once. Because I've brought myself into knee-deep situations that I can't even begin to compehend.
I'm ruining my friendships' and my I'm trashing my love lives. I'm making the people I care about feel like s**t because they are trying to help me. But how can they help me if I don't even know how to help myself? I don't even know how to care for myself.
I can't even begin to look at all this as good things. Because they aren't. But I'll try, for everyone, to heal. To regain the confidence I once had. Because I just don't have it anymore.
And because of my decision. I will be leaving Gaia for a month in the new year. I think it's best, especially after the latest events that took place. And with my surgery approaching, I don't want any stress. Just rest.
So I hope you all will understand.
Thank you.
♥ Akira-san.
 Sugar Dive · Mon Dec 22, 2008 @ 02:53pm · 2 Comments |
