[BATT] Old Fashioned Fun (Aandes x Sascha)

[Sypon]

BECAUSE FOR ALL THESE YEARS I FORGOT TO USE AANDES' PIG BATTLE FROM HARVEST FESTIVAL

seekingCylem

Breaking and entering was a fond pasttime of one Aandes LaMode and Sascha Diasis. The two had grown up on it, loved it, bonded over it. And, even though their paths had diverged and they had grown - something about the sport of it was still completely fresh. Thrilling! And not to mention, a good excuse to check out each other's skills.

This was a bizarrely perfect opportunity to catch up with Sascha, enjoy some stupid fun, and play on his nostalgia to get him involved in a job. Not that he needed any additional prodding other than a decent payment of beetles, but Aandes had to rationalize this dumb misadventure somehow. Plus, this was basically a try-out for the yellowblood.

So, the two had ended up in the New Hemisect Plains. Barely early evening with the heat still coming off of the grasslands - the snoutbeast pen smelled rife with muck and sweat. Aandes leaned on the fence - wearing an already grungy jeans and shirt and his hair tied up on the top of his head, he looked about ready as ever to leap into the mud.

"Alright, Sascha. You jump in first and get her attention - I've got your back."

You have encountered a Snoutbeast Lusus!
Other trolls can assist in this fight, as long as there is an ic reason for them to join in.
This is a mini-boss battle, the full rules and mechanics of which can be reviewed here.
Once the mini-boss is at 0hp, this can be counted by all trolls participating as a battle rp for growth. If you have any questions, please PM the mule.

A mighty snort emerges from the other side of the pen. This could be redemption, payback, or perhaps your karmic destiny revealed. The second-coming of snoutbeast wrasslin'. The huge hog puts a trotter down on the dirt, eyeing you up and down with porcine disdain. Suddenly, it charges!! Whether or not you ended up here in this battle pen of your own accord, you have no choice but to fight back now!
SNOUTBEAST STARTING HP: players fighting x 30 = 60

IF THERE IS AN ADULT IN BATTLE: ALL TROLLS TAKE +2 DAMAGE FOR STARRED (*) ATTACKS

If you rolled a 1, you are a mere food scrap in the trough of life. The hog releases a mighty snork and bumrushes you, slamming you into the gate with all of its force. It is relentless in its apparent backscratching as you're crushed up against the wall, unable to move whatsoever. Take 4* dmg.

If you rolled a 2, the meaning of a hogpile becomes clear to you - only there's only two making up this pile. The snoutbeast lusus runs you over and unceremoniously lays on top of you. You are now a part of the mudbath. Take 4 dmg.

If you rolled a 3, you try and turn tail to no avail. The pig sideswipes you with its powerful head and stomps on you with its trotters. Take 3* dmg.

If you rolled a 4, Some quick thinking allows you to get around to the side of the pig. You get a few shots in before it kicks you from behind and takes off to safety. Take 3* dmg.

If you rolled a 5, you manage to trick the pig into charging into the wall as you dive to the side! Only taking a minor graze and landing in the mud, you consider this a success. Take 2* dmg.

If you rolled a 6, you find yourself suddenly launching at the pig at full force. With the grace of a moobeast ranger you saddle up on the snoutbeast and ride it around the ring as long as you can before it bucks you off. Take 2 dmg. Your attack this turn does double damage.

When the mini-boss or all trolls have reached 0hp, please look in the spoiler below.

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Mini-Boss at 0

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The snoutbeast squeals in defeat and rushes back to the gate it emerged from. Fortunately to its relief, the gate opens and its burly charge appears, slapping the hog on the rump as it sped inside. "Hooooo-WHEE!! That was SOME hog wranglin' if I've ever seen it! Yer a snoutbeast wrasslin' pro! What you tryin' to prove, champ?"

He hoots and hollers at you for a while longer while you tend to your wounds - needless to say, there isn't much for medical attention here except for some gauze and fresh punkin stew. At least the thrill of the sport was worth it!

Players at 0

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You find yourself under the rump of the huge snoutbeast. Beginning to black out, you hear a sharp "WHOOP!" and a whistle, and suddenly you're gasping for breath. "That was pretty gosh-danged stupid of ya, slick! What you tryin' to prove?" The charge of the lusus appears at the side of the ring, giving his lusus pats between the ears. "Momma don't like you. Whoops, here she comes - better run! Yeehaw!" It looks like the huge snoutbeast received a second wind. As the creature rushes towards you, you realize it's time to high-tail it out of there.

 

[seekingCylem]

HP: 17/20
Military Weapon: +1 DMG
Telekinesis: 1/1 Offensive Style B: Attack does double damage, and detracts 1 health from opponent every remaining turn.

"I cannot over-emphasis how severely I'll be holding you to that." Sascha said without inflection. He was sitting on top of a sturdy wooden fence, kicking his legs and admiring his bandages while they were still fresh. For the amount of time it took him to get ready every night, Sascha wasn't looking forward to ruining his efforts so early in the night. However, he'd be more remiss to skip out on such a stupid fun misadventure with Aandes.

Sascha had foregone the majority of his dressings, favoring efficiency over safety. Only the worst of his injuries were lashed down with gauze. Sascha reveled in the feeling of wind against his scalp--now sporting nearly chin-length tendrils of hair near his jaw. Rather than ruin yet another jumpsuit, Sascha opted for a seldom-worn flannel shirt and ratty once-jeans he'd chopped at the thighs upon his most recent growth spurt. For a trespasser, Sascha was aggressively playing to the locale.

"Here goes somethin'. Hup!" Sascha hopped down into the snoutbeast pen with a thick splat. He could see the rough outline of the beast in the shadow of the lean-to at the back of the enclosure. It wasn't hard, the thing was clearly enormous. It snuffled in a manner that could have very well been construed as snoring. "C'mon, don't make this too easy on me- OH HOLY s**t!"

The proportions of the top-heavy snoutbeast made light of the massive strides it was still capable of making. In a split second, Sascha was sent bodily into the mud. The snoutbeast was already rounding on him.

Sascha does 2 damage!

Snoutbeast HP: 58/60  

[Sypon]

novice agi B trinket!
17/20
Aandes does 3 damage!

Aandes tried not to burst out into uproarious laughter as Sascha got a face-full of pig. "Oh, s**t!" He cried, and jumped over the pen. His feet hit the mud and it wasn't long before the greenblood had to calculate his move or get the same treatment. He slid around, finally dodging to the side and gave the pigbeast a good thwack on the rump.

"I've gotcha, buddy!" He hollered. For someone who was adamantly not a circus clown, Aandes did a surprisingly good job as one. He took a trotter to the chest eventually - but did a damn good job avoiding it for a few precious moments.  

[seekingCylem]

DICE, WHAT DICE?  

[seekingCylem]

HP: 13/20
Military Weapon: +1 DMG
Telekinesis: 0/1 Offensive Style B: Attack does double damage, and detracts 1 health from opponent every remaining turn.

Sascha had to carefully plan the catching of his breath around the extraction of his body from the mud, lest he end up inhaling dirt and pig refuse. He was met with mixed results. Sascha sat up in time to see Aandes get kicked in the sternum. Sascha belted out a guffaw of surprise. He only got through one "Ha!" before realizing his mistake.

The snoutbeast turned back towards Sascha. The yellowblood made a valiant effort to stand up and evade his attacker, but only managed to slide and scoot backwards a couple of feet. The snoutbeast, meanwhile, trotted lazily over to Sascha and, taking his lap as an invitation, laid down on top of him.

Sascha's complaints, both pained and infuriated, escaped his body in pathetic wheezes. When it became apparent that Sascha would suffocate before the end of naptime, a red aura crackled around the snoutbeast. With a startled squeal and a mighty shove, the snoutbeast was rolled across the length of the enclosure.

Sascha was left at the bottom of a Sascha-shaped impression, breathing heavily.

Sascha does 11 damage!

Snoutbeast HP: 44  

[Sypon]

Aandes: 14/20
Snoutbeat: 41/60


Damn! Aandes had not seen that coming. Sascha's telekinesis was actually something he hadn't considered, and while he wasn't making himself out to be quite a tank just yet, the yellowblood was definitely some kind of mental cannon. It suited him. Bark and bite.

Aandes took too long to consider this, of course. Being of the mental realm himself he was unable to react quite quickly enough before the snoutbeast rolled from her resting place in the corner of the pen and charged him. He scrambled in the mud for pathetic seconds before getting absolutely steamrolled.  

[seekingCylem]

HP: 9/20
Military Weapon: +1 DMG
Telekinesis: 0/1 Offensive Style B: Attack does double damage, and detracts 1 health from opponent every remaining turn.

Sascha at least had the opportunity to right himself before his most recent humiliation at the trotters of the snoutbeast. While he didn't regret shoving the snoutbeast off himself, he'd failed to consider the repercussions of his actions. As it turned out, while the snoutbeast's understanding of telekinesis was questionable, it was apparently smart enough to deduce that Sascha was the one responsible.

Sascha didn't even have time to swear before he was flattened against the deceptively sturdy fence.

Sascha does 8 damage!

Snoutbeast HP: 33  

[Sypon]

11/20

Sascha could take a goddamn hit! Aandes got a few good hits in, striding through the hay and dirt until he could grab the creature by the haunches. "C'mon, oinker!" He roared. Aandes was laughing through his chest pain.

"I'll get you out of there..." He muttered. The greenblood pushed the stubborn animal until Sascha could dislodge himself. Not much later, of course, he was flattened again by her.

"GOG! You think she's... Slowing down??" Aandes heaved.

30/60  

[seekingCylem]

HP: 5/20
Military Weapon: +1 DMG
Telekinesis: 0/1 Offensive Style B: Attack does double damage, and detracts 1 health from opponent every remaining turn.

Sascha avoided dropping into the mud again by virtue of being draped limply against the fence. Despite his mounting exhaustion, his eyes widened as the snoutbeast returned from harassing Aandes. "Nnnnooo no no no nononono nnh..." The snoutbeast leaned against Sascha, pinning his legs to the fence. Frustrated, but relieved he was at least not being smothered, Sascha flopped over the snoutbeast at the waist.

"Dunno if speed is really even a factor here," he mumbled into its coarse hair.

Sascha does 4 damage!

Snoutbeast HP: 26  

[Sypon]

6/20
Agility B go!

"So I'm gonna level with ya," Aandes admitted, "We're suckin' bulge here, Sasch."

He wheezed as he took a tiny opening from the pig to hop on her back. Aandes had no idea what he was doing, but it was fun and hurt very much.

"At least - we're ********' - scrappy!"

Putting his arms around the girth of her neck, he squeezed and held on for dear life. This proved two things: First, that this method was incredibly effective. Second, that effectiveness was not limited to the attacker. Aandes was thrown bodily off of his target and slammed a** first into the pen, sending a shock up his spine. Breathing heavily and spitting out sludge and hay this way and that, he put both hands over his face.

The pig was beginning to become enraged. But this was still a great idea.

14/60
12 damage -weeps openly-  

[seekingCylem]

HP: 1/20
Military Weapon: +1 DMG
Telekinesis: 0/1 Offensive Style B: Attack does double damage, and detracts 1 health from opponent every remaining turn.

Sascha looked up from the pig's back upon realizing that Aandes' voice was much closer than he'd anticipated. The shock of seeing Aandes on top of the pig and the pig's sudden departure from the fence dropped Sascha in the mud once again. He whooped at the scene, momentarily oblivious to his own pain.

He did at least have the sense to wince as Aandes hit the fence. "Ouch."

That was the most sympathy Sascha would allow Aandes, as he saw his opportunity to get at the snoutbeast while it was distracted. Ignoring the hot, stinging sensation under his bandages, Sascha rushed the animal. He grabbed its neck with one arm and delivered the beast a sharp jab to its titular snout.

The pig in turn kicked and wailed and spun Sascha back against the pen.

Sascha does 7 damage!

Snoutbeast HP: 7  

[Sypon]

2/20
Snoutbeast: 6 HP LEFT

"Gggnnhghghhh..." Aandes mumbled, vision swimming. He couldn't make himself get up from his prone position in the first place, and seeing Sascha get bumrushed - AGAIN - was frightening to say the least. He had some bruised ribs, and his knee was acting up. Maybe he was getting to old for...

"Aaaahh!" Like a living mudplow, the snoutbeast plummeted into the greenblood and sent him flying towards the gate of the pen. He smashed into it, feeling the reverberations coursing through his body. Aandes weakly spat a mist of green blood into the brown earth.  

[seekingCylem]

HP: -3/20
Military Weapon: +1 DMG
Telekinesis: 0/1 Offensive Style B: Attack does double damage, and detracts 1 health from opponent every remaining turn.

"Shhh..." Sascha technically swore, but the sound left his mouth a wet mess of blood and probably a tooth. Trying to sit up proper revealed to him that he did indeed rip open his scars. Blessedly enough time had passed to keep the wounds themselves from being lethal. However, he hadn't considered the addition of a thick coating of mud and pig s**t. The lab physician was not going to let him off easy after this.

Sascha watched a green smear get buffeted across his swimming vision by the hulking white mass of the snoutbeast. Finally beginning to feel concern set in--in equal measure to the unconsciousness, Sascha attempted once more to stand. When that proved impossible, he fished around in the muck.

"Khffck-! Kkh... H-Hey..! Hamsnack!"

A rock bounced off the brow of the pig.

Sascha does 5 damage!

Snoutbeast HP: 1  

[Sypon]

-2/20 love it

THE PIG IS DEFEATED ALONG WITH OUR HEROES

Aandes woke up a half second later in time for his stomach to get stepped on by a heavy trotter - and then the great beast just laid right down next to him.

Tuckered out by the fighting and clearly conceding in victory, she licked a sore spot below her massive jowls and snuffled her snout into the mud. Sascha's rock, in short, bounced right off.

The greenblood was stunned for a moment, vision still spinning until the stars in the night sky realigned with reality.

"Hey Sascha.... You okay, dude?"  

[seekingCylem]

Sascha was beginning to lose track of the passage of time. It took him a moment to register that Aandes was speaking to him. He tried to tell him to speak up, but found doing so would require too much effort for his battered lungs. He rattled his brain and body alike for a more succinct response.

"H-Had... Worse." He made a motion with his arm that was either a flippant wave, or the limb just giving out. He carefully regulated his breathing, only to sigh painfully upon hearing a clamor from inside the nearby farmhive.

"Can't tell... what I need... more. Medical attention... Or a bath."