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Tags: homestuck, troll, breedables, mspa, alternia 

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Eckios Chivul - Tealblood [ACCEPTED AGAIN] Goto Page: 1 2 [>] [»|]

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leon_a_darkangel

Dedicated Supporter

PostPosted: Wed May 07, 2014 7:40 pm
Name: Eckios Chivul (Also goes by Ecko, and Kio)

Eckios: This comes from the word "echo". Pronounced eck-e-os.

Chivul: A compound of two words. It is derived from the scientific name for the common Bat (Chiroptera) and Fox (Vulpini).

Blood Colour: Tealblood █████ #2b9fae

Gender: Male
User Image
Symbol: Referred by Ecko as the “Sonar #0 Scale”. His sign is a large number zero with a slash through it, along with three X’s on the top left and three O’s on the bottom right. See reference image.

Personality:

Eckios is a generally happy and easy going troll. He has his Lusus to thank for her having been so nurturing and caring. He is not very aggressive, and has a mostly positive outlook on life, as much as any troll can have growing up in such a violent world like Alternia. The imposed discord between the hemospectrum troubles him greatly. He can afford to be gentler to those he calls friends, Ecko evaluates each troll he encounters on a "troll by troll basis". He might be naive, but no troll grows up without fear of being culled for being overtly foolish. His Lusus would at least have expressed her concern for his behavior and taught him too be cautious. Otherwise she'd have done him a disservice in trying to be a normal troll in Alternian society.

Eckios learned early on to be adaptive in order to survive on Alternia. When Eckios was escaping the wiggler trials, he lost his horn and an eye, in an attempted culling. It was then that his powers first manifested, and kept him alive. However, as a result from the incident, the child is blind in his right eye. He doesn't like talking about the how nor why of his injuries and does get defensive about the matter. Glad for the infrequency of this particular issue, he still worries he's being judged from afar.

That being said, Eckios is capable of impressive frequencies of sound waves. They are used to create his sonic shouts. The physically powered child loves the fact his Sonic Shouts are akin to his mother's sonar location she uses. Eckios discovered he had his physical powers early on and is proud of it. The tone gives him range on its use, and depending on the volume and frequency he can amplify the effect accordingly. However, if he is not careful, the young tealblood is capable of knocking not only others over, but objects of all sizes and shapes. The blast creates force from the sound waves. He likes to practice using his powers in open fields, or with softer little chirps meant to push heavy objects. Doing so near trees or buildings can lead to structural damage potentially.

At heart, he is kind, and would love nothing more than to cuddle and watch silly roms if given the time of day. Ecko likes to make a lot of animal like noises. They can be things like "murring" (an animal like noise akin to purring, it’s a word he often will use instead of actually saying "yes" or agreeing with someone.) Eckios likes to make up none-sense words like "murr". He uses the word "eet" instead of it, and wat/dat in place of what/that respectively. He doesn't actually have a speech impediment (note he does occasional have issues with his protruding front teeth causing his words to be muddled.) His speech quirks are just another addition to his trying to emulate his Lusus. Eckios likes to mimic his Lusus with the squeaks and yip-like noises WFB are so well known for. This is evident mostly when he's been praised or is happy. He's also been known to whine when sad or uncomfortable. A bit of a "Lusus's-boy", Eckios tends to lean heavily on his Lusus for emotional support. Eckios is honest, and will tell it like it is. His disposition being on the friendlier side can be off putting to less sociable trolls. He is naive, and believes different casts should be able to get along regardless of the Hemospectrum divide.

Generally agreeable, he tries to be sociable and ignore his nervous shy urges as he is extremely self-concision. It is in Eckios's nature to try and please others. Once Ecko has befriended another it is hard to shake him. He'll stick to his guns, and let you know he has your back through thick and thin. He's faithful to his duties and obligations, even when circumstances might make it difficult.

On the flip side, this makes him a liable target for unwanted attention, and namely being taken advantage of. Regardless, Eckios is easy to deal with, and likes making himself useful to those who need help. While he likely wouldn't be out right bullied given his higher position on the hemospectrum his beliefs of equality, and most of all for his friendly mannerisms could lead to trouble. He doesn't anger easily and will overlook harsh words being spoken. Eckios doesn't take kindly to being physically manhandled let alone shoved around and would defend himself as needed. For all he is upbeat, he is not immune to the effects of depression. Anxiety often leads him to feeling like he isn't good enough, and often nervously fidgets with his hair used to cover his face. Eckios repeats himself in a conversation if he thinks someone didn't hear him, even if that means repeating the same remark more than once.

He enjoys star gazing, and will exit the lower under-ground burrow portion of his hive to get a good look. Kio appreciates the vastness of space and what it has to offer in the night sky. Eckios will often sit outside, and contemplate life’s greater mysteries. Eckios enjoys gaming and music as a source of distraction and gets excited over technology both new and old. He's constantly trying to tinker, or fuss with his; even if he doesn't really know what he's doing. Eckios prefers Rock, Alternative/Indie, Trance, Metal, Dubstep and Techno. Anything with a good beat or that catches his fancy. He doesn't know how to play an instrument currently, and with his large front teeth any woodwind/reed based instrument would very likely frustrate him. While he doesn't play an instrument, he does like to draw in his spare time. He's lazy about his frequency of putting pencil to paper, and only does it sporadically when the urge to draw strikes.


Strengths:

+ Creative: Eckios enjoys creating things from scratch, most typically shown in his drawing. His imagination likes to run wild, especially in the production of his artistic work. His imaginative skills are used to take a new perspective and solve problems in many areas of his life. Eckios isn't afraid to reinvent the wheel, he likes solving problems even if the methodology isn't always conventional. If a fellow trolls needs a creative spin on a problem, he'll gladly take a shot at it.

+ Adaptable: This young tealblood is good at learning on the fly. He also lives in the moment. Even at an early age he discovered he'd need to go with the flow in order to survive. Eckios makes the best out of an otherwise potentially terrible situation by being willing to endure the weather of any storm. He's versatile and reacts quickly to conflict. At heart, he is a very flexible troll who can stay productive when the demands of work are pulling in many different directions at once. Eckios doesn't mind rising up to meet a challenge. Eckios see his life as a place that you create out of choices that you make in the now.

Flaws:

- Self Conscious: Considering he likes to keep his right side covered, and his constant hair fidgeting he's worried how other trolls will view him. While he's grown use to his loss of vision, he does not like being approached on that side. This feeds into his feeling self-conscious, and he in turn tries to off set with his friendly disposition. Eckios has had to adapt and improvise in order to lead a normal life. However, his worrying is an unhealthy obsession, especially since he feels conflicted where he belongs. Eckios will hang his head in face of a higher blood cast as to not draw too much unwanted attention. He experiences excessive amounts of worry and tension around trolls of a higher cast as he can't be himself. Anxiety drives his animal quirks into high gear, which adds to his fear of embarrassing himself. He tries to cover his discomfort with a toothy smile, or an awkward laugh. He'll chew at his bottom lip if overly agitated, and will skittishly jump when startled unexpectedly. As he's a small child, he hasn't quite found his footing yet.

- Idealistic: Eckios is a needy, naive troll who craves attention, both from his lusus and other trolls. He will go off the rails ranting and raving about his beliefs until he's turquoise in the face. Eckios' desire to befriend other trolls and avoid conflict make it hard for the child to make decisions easily. It's about what will make the world better for the young idealist, to the exclusion of all others. Shouting excitedly when he's come to a conclusion or realization, Eckios comes across as delusional with his expectations. Convinced that everyone has the same opinion, Ecko regularly alienates himself with his eccentric mannerism and actions.

Weapon: A gunblade!
User Image
Appearance: Eckios has medium length shaggy hair. He wears it off to the right side to hide his facial scars. A fairly small troll at any sweep of life, he does slouch quite a bit. He's got 3 long scars that go from forehead, to approximately his jawline. The right eye is blind, and is red in coloration as evidence of the childhood trauma. This talk sprite He has 5 total teeth that poke out, two larger k-9's and 3 smaller teeth. Here's another one of him granted his left horn's tip doesn't curve like that anymore, see other refs. One of his large horns, i,e the right was broken at the end of his trials. Seen as weak he was nearly culled for it. See further information in WFB section. The small boy tends to wear pullovers that have a hood he can use to satisfy his head covering urges. Getting one clothes stuck on your good horn isn't much fun at all. His hood has a zipper to avoid this problem. Jeans with a hole in the knee revealing a bandaid on his knee. Wears his symbol easy to see on his outfit, and in his blood color. Teal and white converse complete the look.

Home: His Lusus antics means he'd be better suited to a less lively city orientated life of New Hemisect City, and more at home within the Four Fronds suburbia he calls home. As his BF-mom likes hanging from trees and he enjoys climbing, she came from a deeper part of the Four Fronds. Eckios choose to settle in a small suburban community within the Fronds. The tealblood's Hive is Den-like, and is partially underground. The entrance can be easily covered by a large bolder the child uses his powers to move. While his Hive isn't royalty quality, it has room to stretch out and is spacious. His Hive extends underground, and has a series of tunnels connecting the different rooms together.

The Hive does have a top level, but is only used during the evening. At night the pair will seal up the lower level of the Hive, and use it to keep themselves safe, and warm. Not a very neat troll, he leaves his art supplies scattered about, and likes stacking things. He has an established game station, bedroom, and a series of shelves built for the massive WFB to nest in/on during the day. He'd be better at climbing weren't it for the curve on his remaining horn. Instead he'll go explore the woods, trusting he's careful of the dangers lurking.

Lusus: Ecko's lusus is a bat/fennec fox creature. She is referred to as a "WingedFangBeast" or by her son's account BatFox mom. See also WFB or BF-mom. She is about as large as a medium sized dog. BatFox mom has wings that connect on her front legs, and can expand to allow for distances flight. She has large over-sized ears, and a furry tail and body. She has no markings to speak of save the light grey of her tail tip. She is otherwise entirely white. Her claws do protrude and cannot be retracted. BF-mom K-9's do poke out over her rounded muzzle, even when she closes her jaw. Her large eye teeth are note-able in size.

She is both motherly, all around gentle and nurturing. Stern looks, and gentle nips to remind him he's misbehaving, but still extremely affectionate. BatFox mom usually is busy either trying to tug his sweater hood down, or encouraging him to go out and about. His lusus saw in him what she had lost sweeps previous. Her own litter of kits had been her pride and joy. Alternia being what it is…things happen. Instead of trying to produce a new litter, she choose to instead turn her attention on raising a troll child. They were after all more resilient then helpless babes. When she found the injured troll child he was bleeding, cornered, and surely doomed. Yet much to her amusement, here was this small troll still baring his fangs, growling and hissing for all he was worth. BatFox mom ultimately chooses to make Eckios hers unconditionally, it also helped when she saw the child sonic blasting away the very same creature that had injured him mere moments later. She would go on to protect him from being culled, and shall for as long as she may live.

Having survived the traumatic ordeal, Eckios is understandably close to his mother Lusus. Its assumed she loves her troll son as well as any wild creature can. She grooms him when he's upset, and likes to hang around in inconspicuous ways making little chattering and squeak noises here and there. She's comfortable on all fours but feels safest hanging from a high perch, or curled up in a burrow of some kind. She'd prefer to go back to the depth of the forest she came from, but instead followed Eckios into the Four Fronds suburban community where he ultimately settled. Glad he at least stayed in the Fronds, and settled for such a suitable Den Hive for the two of them.

Not too terribly overbearing, BF-mom does prefer to keep an eye on him as he's a growing troll after all. Content to go hunting for herself, she's good at bringing back her boy "surprises". His lusus never really did understand what all the pouting and whines of protest were about! She just wants to make sure he's taken care of and happy.

Power Sonic Scream (Sound Manipulation)
Offensive Style B: A powerful attack that does two times as much damage as a normal one would and leaves a lingering wound - should it hit.*
Use: x1 Per Battle*

Description: Eckios can emit/generate extremely powerful waves of sound at high amplitude for a variety of purposes. The sound/sonic-based ability generates strong hypersonic sound blasts of different and higher, louder amplitudes or frequencies than that of a normal troll. Flow of soundwaves can cause both purposeful, or accidental destruction to nearby objects up close, or at a distance. He can push heavy objects for example with a softer chirp. Fortunately, Eckios can control the amount of force put into the pulse blast.

**Multiply damage dealt by two, then add age and weapon based multipliers after. Target takes 1 ongoing damage each turn that overrides all defensive abilities, until they hit 0 HP or have a support ability used on them.
*2d6 Deal double damage on this attack, 1 ongoing damage for all turns after.
 
PostPosted: Wed May 07, 2014 9:26 pm
Heya Leon! I'm Green! I saw your post in the submission thread and thought I'd drop by for a critique.

His blood colour looks a little bright but that could just be me. Would you classify him as a tealblood or a blueblood?

Is there an origin for his name? I'm guessing that "Eckios" is based off of "echo" but I was not sure if there was one for Chivul.

Is there a specific kind of music that Eckios likes to listen to? Or does he play music? Enjoying music is kind of a given as most people like at least some kind of music.

I feel like you could add a little bit more to his personality section. I get that he's happy, easy-going and self-doubting, but I think you could throw some more attributes in there. Is he particularly honest? Is he lazy? Does he anger easily? Although I'm not sure he would be bullied considering his high position on the hemospectrum, his nice attitude would definitely draw the wrong kind of attention. How would he respond to that? There are a lot of big question marks here for me at the moment.

Also... "murring"?

The way you have written "amiable" is a little strange. It does not seem like a strength. Taking his anxiety into account it seems like he has to try to be friendly and outgoing, and if it's something he has to put effort into then it really isn't a strength. Even if it's not, how does this benefit him? I'm on the fence for loyalty for the same reason. It seems like it would be easy to take advantage of his dedication. Maybe I just always look for ways to corrupt people though, uhm...

You will probably want to provide a little more information on his lusus. Try describing her personality and her relationship with Eckios. I have an idea of what she's like through what you've implied in Eckios' personality section, but elaborating more on that would be great.

Woooosh.  

Green Minuet

Greedy Trickster


leon_a_darkangel

Dedicated Supporter

PostPosted: Wed May 07, 2014 9:57 pm
Hello there Green! :3

Thank you for getting back to me so quickly, I really appreciate it. I had pm'd amicableAggressor at Sergio's suggestion earlier asking about his colour and hadn't heard back. I was afraid it might be a bit bright, but I figured I'd try since its what I use when drawing/coloring him! I can find another color in that family if its an issue for this shop.

Eckios is a tealblood by my accounts, I've just referred to him in particular as turquoise given the shade.

I'll add the origin to the forum but,Chivul its derived from the scientific name for Bat (Chiroptera) and Fox (Vulpini), I borrowed the first three letters from each to create his last name. As for his first name his troll handler is "reverberatingEchoes" I figured that out before I ever named him. His name went through..maybe 2? Changes before I arrived at Eckios. It was Eckooh at one point.

Yes, he prefers Rock, Alternative/Indie, Trance, Metal, Dubstep and Techno. Anything with a good beat, or catches his fancy. He's good at being a picky brat, and choosing whatever he thinks sounds good~ Eckios doesn't play an instrument presently. He does however appreciate the fact others can.

Honestly Kat, its possible he could be easily corrupted! I wouldn't disagree with that. Even with his being closer to the end of the spectrum he's naive. Eckios does have to try. For comfortable interactions, its a matter of comfort. He's less likely to stick his arm out for a complete stranger, but if some one did abuse his dedication it could be disastrous. On a personal level he's less inclined to be skittish. He doesn't anger easily, but wouldn't be afraid to tell some one off. He might over look words being harshly spoken, but doesn't take kindly to being hassled or physically shoved around and would defend himself as needed.

Would I be better off focusing on the fact he likes to fix and tinker with technology? I'll double check but without pesterchum, do they still have Husktops etc? As for traits sure thing, that gives a better perspective on my dork lol. He's honest, and tells it like it is. His attitude/disposition being on t he friendlier side alone could get him picked on I'm aware, I forgot to focus on the fact he's a daydreamer and a star gazer. I fashioned him as a space player (I know thats not related to the shop I'm only mentioning it from his design standpoint)

I hope that helped clear up some questions? I'd be happy to elaborate further x3

Murring..An animal noise akin to purring, given his attachment to his Lusus she was extremely vocal and made a variety of sounds. Its my attempt to put into words those squealing squeaks, and yapping noises both foxes and bats make. I can extend on her! I wasn't sure how in depth/detailed you needed me to get with his lusus. I don't have any references drawn of her I do apologize.

I will adjust and add more information shortly! Answering your critique helped me think a bit more in depth. I tried to get a good WiP out there, and realized I might have been missing a few things.  
PostPosted: Wed May 07, 2014 11:46 pm
Blood color changed from #24ced8 to #24C2D1 as well after talking to amicable as his 'default' color I had originally was pushing it :3

I added more to his info, and Lusus. I'm also considering removing amiable and adding either a tinkering/adaptability line and focused around his enjoyment of fixing technology? I think that would be a stronger 'strength' others would value, especially as he improves upon the skill. His kind personality already translated in his behavior and mannerisms so this train of thought might work better..

Removed loyal from his strengths and worked the description into his personality. Instead placed creativity to expand on the fact he likes emulating the sounds his lusus makes, drawing + coming up with creative solutions to weird issues.  

leon_a_darkangel

Dedicated Supporter


Sypon
Vice Captain

PostPosted: Thu May 08, 2014 2:22 pm
User Image

Oh hey you already changed his blood color! Boy do I feel dumb for making this. Anyway, this may be helpful in case you were wondering what the range is. I'll pop back in to give you a proper crit later!

And big thanks to Green for getting things started c:  
PostPosted: Thu May 08, 2014 2:36 pm
Actually it is Sypon! I selected the previous current color long before I saw/knew about this shop. It just happened to be like I said what I had slapped down on tumblr. Thank you anyway! This chart gives me a good idea idea what range/value is considered non-mutant for future references.

And yes ;-; Kat was a huge help. I was able to come up with more to add thanks to her. I'm really grateful~  

leon_a_darkangel

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Sypon
Vice Captain

PostPosted: Thu May 08, 2014 7:39 pm
Hey hey! Had time to sit out and write out my crit. Let’s take a look here.
The first thing I notice is that you mention Derse, as well as use the terminology of strife and BladeKind. There’s no Prospit or Derse, or sburb of any kind in Hivestuck canon. Daytime is inhospitable to trolls and there are no dream selves within Hivestuck. You might want to read up on our information page just to clarify the similarities and differences between canons, but that’s all I noticed from your application. biggrin

Ok! On to personality.

Eckios is looking really nice, and I’m not seeing any contradictions in his personality section. Great work.

My general concern is how Eckios fits into and has been affected by a society like Alternia’s, which is pretty opposite of his nature. Typically with the pecking order, he can get away with being a friendlier and easier-going troll because of his bloodtype, but that kind of attitude can get him stepped on pretty easily. The idea of interacting the same way with a troll in a higher caste as a lower one could also be fairly dangerous, and you address this by mentioning that he may get into confrontations. I’ve seen a lot of evidence that he’s driven and agreeable, so how does he typically respond to the violent and casteist conflict? You’ve done a lot to cover this since Green’s crit, so props on that, but I think you can still push him.

Strengths/Flaws:

I’m not sure if Eckios’s speech quirks should be included in his strengths. They’re not particularly related, and may be something that sets him apart as an oddity, so it would be better to include them in his personality section. I like where you’re going with his creative strength, though.

Hmm… I’m just not convinced about Eckios’s balance between his anxiety and his easy going attitude. It seems to me like he’s usually happy and laid back, and then occasionally becomes anxious when an unknown situation or encounter arises, which manifests in little quirks that don’t do much to inhibit him. As written, his anxiety isn’t significant enough to negatively affect him on a daily/nightly basis as a flaw, but if it was more pronounced I would worry that it would seriously affect his general attitude and personality. You might consider making it more clear when Eckio’s becomes anxious or if his anxiety is more inhibiting or frequent.

If Eckio’s doesn’t notice his disability and it doesn’t affect him regularly unless it’s brought up (which I can’t see happening frequently), then it’s not really a flaw. I would reconsider this.

Appearance: The only thing I see here is that it you are writing him as a teen. In Hivestuck, trolls start out as children. He will have gone through his trials prior to entrance into the shop, but check out other stuff if you need to change it! Fortunately, the rest of his personality can pass as a child.

Home: Suburbs of New Hemisect? I imagine there may be some suburban Fronds communities; this is just a clarification. Additionally, I like to know something about quest trolls’ living situations. Hives can be quite eccentric, so if it’s just a carbon-copy suburban hive, high-rise hivestem block cluster, or a half-underground dwelling in the middle of the city it’s nice to get a feel for how the troll lives.

Lusus:
Thanks for filling this out! I’m a big bother-er when it comes to lusus stuff so I’m glad Green poked you first wink I like the wiggler trials story between WFB/BF-mom and Eckios. I’m not sure if not sharing blood colors is kosher, but if it’s still teal I think you could probably get away with it.

That’s all! All in all he’s looking really good... He's close cool  
PostPosted: Thu May 08, 2014 10:28 pm
Ahh hello there! I can remove a few things no problem. I'm still trying to adapt my OC version of him, verse how he'd appear in the shop OwO I'll brush up on the rules, and remove those elements from my application right away. And thats fine, he's a night time troll 100%, the idea of sunlight is a complete turn off lol.

Well, by confrontation I can see some trolls not taking kindly to him, of course it also depends on the reason for the interaction. I covered that with Kat, given the wrong kind of interaction it might very well require him to reconsider trying to befriend some one. He might be naive, but no troll grows up without fear of being culled for being overtly foolish. His lusus would at least have expressed her concern for his behavior and taught him caution, otherwise she'd have done him a diservice in trying to be a normal troll in Alternian society. I think this opens up rp oppertunities! If he meets a troll that hurts him emotionally, or physically because he was so friendly this would lead to him re-thinking his approach! If its really an issue I'll rework some details. I mentioned troll by troll basis for this very reason, if a troll is notably of a higher cast, and not some one who appears remotely friendly I don't see him trying to get close. He'd have no choice but regard them with proper respect, but just as he had that day at the trial, if some one gets physically violent with him he isn't going to just roll over and die.

I'll move the speech quirks into the personality and rework the creativity section and expand on that a little.

Fair enough, maybe replace it with another negative aspect? Eckios isn't as affected by it because it wasn't ripped out of the socket. His right horn as a wriggler-grown child was just as large and oddly shaped as his left horn. He got lucky. Self conscious might be a better way describe his negative trait. This wouldn't even be a thing if he hadn't had his horn broken, or his eye hurt. I actually do see his eye site as a disability as flaw in the beginning at least. He might not notice it, but he's sensitive about the scars showing, and the mismatched tone being obvious. Going from a wiggler who had perfect vision, to suddenly without he'd have moments where being approached from his blind side would be extremely unnerving. This will improve with age and confidence as time goes on, and as he becomes more sure of himself I'm certain! I still think self conscious addresses this issue as well. (at least the more i think about it)

I should elaborate; Eckios does his animal like noises on a fairly regular basis, they are like nervous ticks. However, they could just as easily be used as noises of affection/greeting.

@Appearance: Alright! I'll simply his outfit then, and have him be a bit younger overall in description which shouldn't be too terribly hard~ Maybe some kind of tshirt with a hood instead of a full blown sweater? Shorts would be fine, nothing to fancy.

Edit; I missed the Home question, let me elaborate. I didn't realize the Fronds might have suburban communities! He isn't an olive blood or anything, but his Lusus antics means he'd be better suited to a less city orientated life. I actually would prefer he's closer to the woods, but not beside the lake if possible. So I'll add more detail to this section. As his BF-mom likes hanging from trees and he enjoys climbing, she came from a deeper part of the Four Fronds. I've imagined his Hive too be Den-like, and the entrance easily covered. It extends under ground, and has a series of tunnels connecting the different rooms together.Not a very neat troll, he leaves his art supplies scattered about, and likes stacking things. He has an established game station, bedroom, and a series of shelves built for the massive WFB to nest during the day.

No problem on the Lusus; if its an actual issue blood color wise I can just say she does share it. BatFox mom has always been my favorite of the fantroll lusus I made~ She is still in the teal family yes, just a different shade, but again if its a real issue thats minor thing in my books.

I'll make these changes and append the forum shortly, I want to be able to participate in the event before its gone x3 Thanks to you both for helping me get this far, I'll try and rework that.

Whew. I think I covered everything! I'll post again when I make changes 3nodding  

leon_a_darkangel

Dedicated Supporter


leon_a_darkangel

Dedicated Supporter

PostPosted: Fri May 09, 2014 4:13 am
Alright, I think I covered everything you brought up Syphon. Took me a little while, but my OCD wouldn't let me sleep until I'd addressed everything oopse. Its finally time for bed, the suns going to start rising soon owo;;

Thanks again guys! Hopefully that clarifies things further, and if not I'll make any changes as needed after I get some sleep.  
PostPosted: Fri May 09, 2014 9:09 am
Great changes! I like what you did with the self conscious flaw. The only thing left at this point before I stamp you is the disability flaw -- now that you've made the self conscious flaw, it shows even more that his disability is pretty much just something that makes him self conscious and is not physically affecting him in any way except for a few instances. Remember, it needs to affect him regularly! If it's just something that could affect him "in a fight" or in a very specific circumstance, it's not affecting him regularly. I think the self-conscious aspect of his disability is great, but you already covered it in his previous flaw -- I would combine the two and come up with a different flaw.

And that's it! I'm fine with you entering Eckios in the gerbil race at this point, but I'm gonna hold off the stamp until this last thing is fixed up.  

Sypon
Vice Captain


leon_a_darkangel

Dedicated Supporter

PostPosted: Fri May 09, 2014 6:37 pm
Idealistic added as well as a description to match. Also moved his eye-site concerns/unease and worked it into his self conscious flaw as mentioned *u* I feel in a violet world like Alternia it's a big negative on his part that he is nicer.

I did enter him in~ He's currently pouting he scared the poor thing off his wheel so quickly oopse. :'D  
PostPosted: Fri May 09, 2014 11:02 pm
Hmm... As written currently, Idealistic is still not immediate enough. A flaw needs to be immediate -- cause and effect. The red flags I can see in the dsecription are: "He could potentially be" and "His beliefs...could in theory". This shows that while he has dangerous ideals, they are not always endangering him (even on a small level). It's also sometimes written as a strength "he aims for perfection and doing the absolute best he can".

There are plenty of trolls who are dissatisfied with or hate the hemospectrum, and while it's true that this opinion can get them culled, the idea alone isn't regularly affecting them. How does Eckios handle his idealism that endangers him?

Think of flaws that are related to that idealism. For instance, delusion: Being convinced that everyone has the same opinion and offending and alienating those you meet while being unable to empathize with others is very frequent.

Or, incessant: In wishing for equality, you don't know when to stop going off the rails and ranting about it. Getting into shouting matches or constantly raving against the system without knowing when to stop would regularly burden the person with the flaw. This could go hand in hand with another flaw : Self righteous.

Maybe going off of his lusus dependance, the idealism can be paired with neediness or even naivete! These are just suggestions, but if you're stuck on this I think that they are good options to explore. Flaws = super important! Let me know if there's anything else I can help you with!

Also, good on ya for getting right involved in the event! Good luck wrangling those gerbils wink  

Sypon
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leon_a_darkangel

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PostPosted: Sat May 10, 2014 12:44 am
No I think that helped Syphon.

I was struggling with this particular one, and understand flaws are huge to a character especially locking it down for future rp so he remains consistent and within the bounds of his given personality. I was trying to get on the right track. It sounds like if i reword my response, and make it definitive then it'll fit better into what I mean to convey about him.

On that note, I believe I'm going to go with combining his naivete and neediness into his idealism, as both of those things are him. He is indeed a needy little thing. His lusus dependency also being part of his nature/what it is that effects him in his -every- waking moment I agree. Incessant is a great way to describe him once he's on a topic its hard to get him to shut up, he'll ramble and rant on.

I do apologize for not getting this right the second time around.. u_u I'll get that reworded asap and post for a v2 in the review thread when I am done. Thanks for your time again Syphon.

And yup! I'll play along with tomorrows prompts as well owo Dem gerbils be tricky. In the mean time I'll try and take these things I talked about into effect and see if those meet your standards.


edit; Need to add more, but im reworking that section as I type, once i think its acceptable i'll post again for another review like i said.*nods* Going to post him for round 2 review. Cleaned up the theory/possible notions and made them set in stone traits that are undeniable/factual about him.  
PostPosted: Sat May 10, 2014 10:45 am
No need to apologize! I think that you definitely got on the right track. Thanks so much for responding fully to crit as well as making sure that you were true to the character. I'm proud to say...

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Sypon
Vice Captain


leon_a_darkangel

Dedicated Supporter

PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2016 7:15 pm
-dusts off this old thing- goodness i can't believe its been 3+ years for me in HS...

SMALL CHANGES TO NOTE...

added a power for the kiddlet, and a little passage concerning how he views the power/interacts in the world with it. it pleases my smol child this just makes him more like his lusus given he can do things with sound/sonic shout based (can't wait for him to nervously/excitedly topple new friends over /rip open a hole in a wall or something with a burst of sonic sound waves lol)

also changed his blood color #... onO;; surprisingly the color he was changed too apparently was pretty crazy in the mutant family still. However. that shouldn't be an issue anymore with the color it is now. otherwise everything else should be the same???

oh i did comb over the app a little and try and improve it some...hi me 3 years ago youve come a long way with app writing lmao.

ty in advance owo/  
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