Makkah Raynna - Purpleblood (Crits Please!) [ACCEPTED]

[tenaciousgadabout]

Name: Makkah Raynna


Blood colour: Purple (Hex: #7810c1)


Gender: Female


Symbol: A stylized “90” (like the “S” symbol of childhood)


Profile:

“How you doin’?”

Makkah is a troll who is consumed by chillin’ out. Having grown up in what was once an abandoned hiveblock atop a hivestem from the space-faring generation before hers, much of her introduction to Alternian society came from outdated pop culture items left behind by the previous tenant who fled to space sweeps ago. Because of this, Makkah is more than a little behind the times. This tends to leave her acting shy and quiet, often keeping apart from other trolls… not! She likes her old junk and likes showing it off to anyone who’ll listen, and anyone who tries to claim it’s outdated can talk to to the hand! Makkah tries her best to balance fun with cool, and is willing to mix it up with anyone who comes her way. Even lowbloods, barf. They’re fun to hang with, but if they’re gonna get all in her face about blood castes and stuff they can just step off.

Makkah's standard M.O. is to ignore any complaints brought her way with opportunities to drop their beef and party. If their beef is still held when she's run out of deflections she flicks like a light switch and starts waving her trusty sidepiece, a metal bat she refers to as the Love Connection. It takes a special person to convince her of something directly, luckily she's enough of a space cadet that you can probably convince her she changed her mind on her own.

In case it wasn’t obvious, Makkah thinks the hemospectrum is tight. All those whiners need to just get with the picture and lighten up a little! It’s always worked for her and it’d be whack to change everything now. Her prejudice surrounding lowbloods doesn’t necessarily mean she can’t kick it with them. They just gotta recognize the pecking order, ya know?

Her and RatDad get along great, chillin’ above and below their hivestem in NHC. RatDad loves to train his charge in the secret “basement” (sewer) training area below the hivestem. He often chides her when she slacks off as he'd like her to be more serious about her training, but he just needs to take a chill pill and quit buggin’. Kick your feet up RatDad, life's a party and you're on the guest list!


Strengths:

It’s all good(Laid-back): Makkah knows how to loosen up with just about anyone. She handles life pretty lazily, and prefers calm cooperative efforts to competitive ones. She may have her prejudices, but they come up mostly in serious conversation, which she is so not what she’s looking for.

GameGrl(Outgoing/Team Player): This girl is an arcade junkie if there ever was one. Going to yestersweep arcade complexes or hitting up the boardblocks by the shore is a common pass-time for Makkah, and she has many an out-dated prize in her hive that she’s earned in tickets. Above all she loves cooperative games, and is great at organizing groups together, particularly in the name of fun!

We’re blood, yo(Fierce Loyalty): Makkah is a loyal one. Once you earn her trust, she’ll go probably too far proving you’re in with her.


Flaws:

Space Cadet(Gullible): Makkah spends her life on the mellow, never really wading into the deep end of her thinkpan. As such, it's pretty easy to slip stuff by her, though make sure she doesn't catch on or she will NOT be happy.

Don’t Harsh My Mellow(Violently Immature): This is one girl who aggressively does not want to grow up. Makkah doesn’t like facing the big questions of life and will get hella ticked if you try to make her face up to anything she deems less than chill. Big thoughts are for geeks and besides, she’s got all the time in the world to figure it out! Get her trippin’ and you’ll be on the business end of her metal bat, “The Love Connection.”

Punk’d(Prankster): The girl loves her pranks. From everyday conversation to big elaborate setups, Makkah's always down to mess around. Though mostly harmlessly annoying, her bigger pranks can have a lack of forethought in their execution on things like 'safety,' 'feasibility,' and 'what could happen if it doesn't go as planned' or any of those other dumb thoughts.


Weapon: A metal baseball bat she affectionately nicknamed “The Love Connection,” because when it connects with you she'll be feelin' a whole lot of pity. She’s twisted like that.


Appearance: Makkah is a typical "Troll Next Door" purpleblood with questionable fashion taste. Her horns pierce through the top of a backwards cap. From the cap sprouts long straight hair. Her clothes are of course purple overalls with her symbol emblazoned in the center, one strap hanging down for flair. She wears a plain white shirt underneath this. (Essentially This, but with a garish teal to offset it terrible not unlike this.)


Home: Makkah lives at the top of a communal hivestem in NHC, living a fairly happenin’ life in her hive with RatDad. The hive is two floors, with Makkah preferring the attic room with a skylight she can open at night like one of her favorite cartoons, Hey Ardnol! The bottom half is a standard living room area, though strangely she tries to keep everything away from the fourth wall of the Hive. The hivestem also contains a “basement” that is a partially modified sewer area the pair secretly made to make RatDad feel more cozy, and also to train and hone her fighting ability.


Lusus: RatDad is a large verminbeast that is very protective of his charge. He is very concerned with teaching her how to defend herself and chides her for being so mellow, but is also a very loving lusus. He is a very serious tutor in her defense teachings, but dragging her into the dojo below their hivestem is an arduous task altogether. Outsiders would note that if he put half as much discipline into his everyday parenting as he did to his defense lessons, he might have a far easier time with his pupil. A thick coat of white fur covers the giant chubby creature, and his tiny legs make him quicker than one would expect for something his size, and surprisingly agile.  

[Yamashii]

Makkah sounds pretty relaxed which is great! However, I think you need to add a little more to her personality about her views on conflict that you hint on in her flaws section. How does she handle her anger once she's hit her limit? This is brought up somewhat in her flaws but more explanation in the personality section would help flesh out the app. She would also benefit from some notes on hobbies/interests in her daily life. What kinds of things does she do while chilling around NHC? Does she go out of her way to be social or does she go with the flow and let it happen when it happens?

"Props where props is due" & "We’re blood, yo" basically say the same thing, she is a devoted friend. I think you could combine these. "Carefree" might make a good strength for her as she doesn't take life seriously and certainly doesn't need to as a highblood.

"Twisted" & "Don’t Harsh My Mellow" also sound similar, she doesn't like conflict and will hit a breaking point and switch to aggressive mode. These could be condensed. You could add flaws like "lazy" to replace one.

"Punk'd" needs some expanding. Are these harmless pranks or extreme ones? What makes it a flaw for her on a regular basis?

You've got a fun concept here, it just needs more detail in it! Excited to see where you go with Makkah!

 

[tenaciousgadabout]

Yamashii

Thanks Yama! I updated her personality area a bit and changed some pros and cons around for her. Let me know what ya think!  

[seekingCylem]

I'm super jazzed about Makkah in general, but the heavy stylization of her app is making it a little hard for me to parse. If you wouldn't mind summing up her strengths and flaws with more literal terms I'd really appreciate it. What I'm getting so far is that her strengths are her relaxed attitude and loyalty. The second bullet-point I'm a little fuzzier on. If it's in reference to her friendly personality, that seems like it's covered already in the first point. However, I'm also getting the implication that she's able to see the potential in people regardless of caste, which would make for a good strength. Correct me if I'm jumping to conclusions!

How did Makkah come across all her retro swag? What about it appeals to her? Does she pointedly prefer it to more modern troll society, or is she more casual about her tastes?

When Makkah reacts violently to other trolls harshing her mellow, what's her motivation there? Is it more fear-based/running from the problems of real life, or pride-based? (As in "how dare you ruin my fun with your bad vibes ):<" ) Does she put much thought into why she acts that way or is it more reactionary?

I'm super disappointed RatDad wasn't described as looking exactly like the old school Chuck E. Cheese mascot. At least let the little dude have his own pair of Ray-Bans. On a more relevant note, do he and Makkah have much conflict over their differing world views? Does RatDad do anything to try and curb her behavior (successfully or otherwise)?  

[tenaciousgadabout]

Thanks for the suggestions Cy! Updated once again and changed her second strength to show more of her talents instead and veer far away from the other strengths for more variety!  

[seekingCylem]

Howdy! This is probably my last crit before slamming down the acceptance badge. Makkah's looking solid. I'm just not sure that being good at arcade games is enough a character strength in of itself. If you wanted, you could probably expand on what makes her so good at the games in a way that impacts more areas of her life. You could mention something like she has fast reflexes, or laser focus on tasks that interest her, or the ability to remember elaborate patterns for the sake of pulling off sweet combo moves.


That's all!  

[seekingCylem]